My friend Gregg the security guard is a strange individual as I discovered today when I visited him and noted him pounding his head against the wall while crying out “Drop! Drop! Drop!” with each bump, bump, bump.
Testing a new headache remedy no doubt, I observed while waiting for an explanation.
“Nothing that simple,” he said, taking a momentary respite from his labor. “Even though I’m just a dumb old security guard, I’m much too smart for my own good. If I were just a little dumber I could be rich and famous. But I’m not, and if I keep bashing my brain maybe my IQ will drop.”
That is a novel way of looking at it, I admitted, but very hard on the face. Perhaps there are easier ways like watching a little more television or reading the New York Times’ editorial pages.
“I have tried the TV crapola,” he said. “but it’s much too slow, and I have to speed up things considerably if I want to become our next secretary of state. I have watched that government job for years and it is plain that nobody is going to become secretary of state unless he or she is as dumb as a brick wall.
“Now take our current secretary, Hillary Clinton, who has the absolute best credentials for the job. Recall that when her husband was elected president he told her to overhaul the nation’s Health Care System. She
produced an absolute fop; never even came up for a vote. And Bill was hardly out of office for a year when the news media began pumping her up for president. That fizzled when Barrack Obama won the nomination and shuffled her off to the state department.
“Now she’s leaving office after having helped create another calamity. That was the Benghazi attack which got our ambassador to Libya and several of his guards killed. Hillary and some of her striped pants cohorts seem to think the whole thing was just a Libyan prank which backfired –no terrorism, just naughty fun. As an added joke they stated flatly the attack was ignited by an anti-Islam video taken by some jerk nobody ever heard of. Republicans called her up before Congress to testify about the big mess; all they got was a bunch of BS bureaucratic double talk along with some crying and giggling.
“She’s not even out of office yet and already the media is grooming her for a presidential race in 2016. She’s being replaced by John Kerry, of Vietnam swift boat fame, a guy with the face and voice of an undertaker. He’s a loser whose main claim is marrying into the ketchup fortune. I’m not sure he even knows a foreigner much less how Iraq became a nation after World War I. No, I’ve got the message –the dumber you are the better chance you have to become secretary of state. I hope to take that job at a cost of about 200,000 bumps on the head.” Continue reading